After reading a friend’s blog post I realized that I am afraid to write in my own blog. I used to share my blog posts frequently. I write in my journal every day but I have not been sharing it. Something shifted. As I processed the fear in my body, the underlying message is that I am afraid of judgment. This is curious because most of my writing in this blog has been about sharing my own fertility journey. I was sharing so openly and honestly for so long. What shifted and why is it coming up now???It has been 7 years since my husband and I have been open to conceive another child. Since following my heart to adopt a little girl from Africa I have felt a deep sense of peace. I explored the fear a little deeper, suddenly I felt a ping in my heart and the memory of a client’s email came flooding back to me. Shortly after we decided to start the adoption process a client emailed me calling me a hypocrite. While I realized not everyone understood my journey and my decision to adopt, I never had someone verbally “attack me” about it.??I handled the email with love and grace and processed my emotions the best way I could. I recognized it was not about my decision to adopt but her own guilt for feeling forced as a teenager to give her own daughter up for adoption. I processed it emotionally and mentally but apparently some fear was planted in my heart at that time because shortly after that my writing slowed down.??I had been putting myself out there, sharing so openly and wearing my heart on my sleeve for so long that I didn’t realize how much this email hurt me. Since then I have been afraid to blog about the adoption process. There has been a block and I had convinced myself it was because I was focusing on recording episodes for my Redefining Fertility Radio show. It turns out the incident shut down my heart.??Sharing openly about my own fertility journey was very therapeutic and healing for me, for my clients and all the women worldwide who were reading my blog. It is amazing how one incident can have such a deep impact on your life and creep in to affect your life in ways that you wouldn’t really see. I felt resistance in writing my book and my blog. It was the resistance that showed up clearly this week when I spoke to a coach about my new book Solving Your Fertility Puzzle. Now that I am aware of it I am ready to face the fear and start writing again. ??I will not let fear hold me back from writing anymore. My writing is a source of support and inspiration and I open my heart to allow the message to come freely again. I write from my heart and allow the messages to come through me. Some people will appreciate my words and others won’t. All I need to do is follow my heart and the words will land where they need to land.??Thank you for letting me share my journey with you and I hope it continues to inspire you!
- Stop Freaking Out and Just Freaking Enjoy by Passion Goddess, Kate Northrup
- Self-Honesty: The Courage to Be Me by Fertility Goddess, Sue Dumais
- Finding Nurturing Within: How Self-Care Can Revolutionize Your Life, A Telegathering with Dr Christiane Northrup
- The Brighter Side of Envy by Passion Goddess, Kate Northrup
- Fiesta Time! By Culinary Goddess Sara Watson